hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize