When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just want nice things and good sex
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
