The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
