You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
