my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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