Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
In America we eat man semen.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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