You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
