i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
