thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
