The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
