You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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