I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
