I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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