ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
