you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i came on her dog
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
