you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
