I have demons in me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
