Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
