pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
