The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
