Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
