When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
