omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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