The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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