what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
