Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
