it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
