Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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