I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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