i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
