areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
pray to the hookup gods
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
