if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
