Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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