He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
