my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
