I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
