as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
