Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
