Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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