He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
