i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
