My room smells like vodka and shame
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
