If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize