return my video game
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
