hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize