Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
