He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
