i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
