I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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