u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
