ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize