Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
