She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
