either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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