ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wish there were birth control emojis
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
