You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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