So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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