I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
