all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
