Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
