Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
