I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize