Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
