yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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