why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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