My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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