after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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