Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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