That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
