if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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