i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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