I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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