Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
